This Is How I Show My Love
by Becca-VON-infiniti
Summary: "What the hell are you doing Reid?" Caleb asked while finding his way to his feet and wondering what actions he should take. Typical Caleb; always preparing for a confrontation with me, as if everything was about you. Today…I was here for Sarah. (ONE SHOT, REID/SARAH)


**A/N: **This story is a one shot fanfiction story inspired by the songs "Sail" from Awolnation. Rather than having the lyrics clearly defined, I worked each of the lyrics into the narration of the story. The story is in Reid's POV and is rather dark at first; but just hang in there for the ending, I think you'll like it! WARNING: strong language here and there! Well please read, enjoy and review! –Becca

**This is how I Show My Love **

Here I am, sitting in the darkened corners of the locker room for the fifth time this week. The swim team had long since left me to my thoughts; and nothing but the chill of the conditioned air was left to keep me company tonight.

I slid my exposed back down the porcelain tiles of the shower stall until I was sprawled out across the floor, allowing the cold sting of the water to fall upon me. I stared up at the ceiling; someone might question why I was here tonight instead of joining my guys for a round of pool at Nicky's. I would never tell a single soul what was going through my mind at the moment; or for any moment of the day for that matter.

Sarah. The newest transfer student into Spencer Academy has also transferred into my every thought and dream. Everywhere I went, she was right there. Around every corner in the hallways, every outing I had planned, and every time I closed my eyes. I couldn't escape her; but I barely made the effort to. I loved her. Strange words coming from me; but it was true; I was in love with Sarah and I was tormented by the fact that she didn't return my feelings. Instead, she chose Caleb Danvers, the school's golden boy, top swimmer and hero. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

It was no secret that my hatred for Caleb knew no bounds; but the second I saw him trailing his hands down her perfect body…something within me snapped. He had taken everything from me and left me with nothing but my loneliness and hate.

Sure I played off as if my interest for her was only for another proverbial notch in the bedpost; but if she only knew how badly I longed to brush aside her blonde locks behind her ear. How strong my need to feel the warmth of her touch, to hear her laugh or to see her looking up at me with a glisten in her eye; I wanted to be her hero. I wanted to be the one she had waited her entire life for; I just wanted to be given the chance. But Caleb played his typical innocent and fragile soul routine and swept her off of her feet the second she arrived to town.

I don't understand why I couldn't just let it go…let her go. I was Reid fucking Garwin…I could have any girl I wanted. Every other girl in this pathetic excuse for a school was practically throwing themselves at me just to land the chance to say they captured my attention; however brief. But she was different, she was the one girl who slipped out of my grasp and into the arms of the one man I hated even knowing.

The sons of Ipswich; don't make me laugh. We were hardly the close knit group that our forefathers had expected us to remain. Baby Boy was the only one I could tolerate. Mainly because he worshiped the very ground I walked on; I couldn't deny the kid his desire to be like me, I mean I was the only one around who had any reputation worth maintaining. I was the bad boy, the player, life of the party and sex god…who wouldn't want to be me?

But Tyler was a great side-kick so to speak, I could trust him. And trust…was not something I gave so easily. He was my best friend if I was to be asked if I had such a thing. He had my back without hesitation and I could safely say that when my world came crashing down around me…he would be there to help me put it all back together again.

Pogue; well not much could be said about Pogue. He had the personality of a rock. He had about the same intellect as a rock as well; the rock might have a few IQ points over him. All he had going for him was Kate. She was one hell of a good time. Never thought it wise to inform the biker boy of our summer fling we had last year. It just wasn't worth the drama; and hearing that guy bitch and complain wasn't my idea of time well spent. I'm surprised Kate went for him though; she was sharp, witty and had all these hopes and dreams she used to ramble about after we had sex. Couldn't tell you what they were; blame it on my a.d.d..

And Caleb; well need I say more about the fucking golden boy who is always stepping in my lime light and is quick to take all recognition and credit for the good deeds we've done through the years. The guy was a pain in my ass and I dream of the day I slam my fist square into this face. I want to make him feel the pain he's caused me all the years of my life.

I could stand being constantly compared to him by my parents as a child, I could stand always being in second place on the swim team next to him, hell I could even stand getting my ass kicked by him in the alley way behind Nicky's…but what I couldn't stand for…was watching him walk away, hand in hand, with the girl I loved. What did he know about love? He could give her nothing that I couldn't give to her tenfold.

I felt the need to slam my head into the tiled floor beneath me; the thought of what they were doing behind closed doors was almost too much to bear. I clenched my teeth as tightly as I could until I tasted the irony mixture of blood in my mouth. She was angel, a queen wandering the halls of this school…why was it that she never gave me more than a passing glance? Was I so repulsive in her eyes?

Maybe I'm a different breed? Maybe I'm just not what she was used to? Or maybe it was that my reputation that attracted every other girl was the same thing that drove her away. I remember blowing a few opportunities of casual conversation with the breathtaking blonde; feeling nervous wasn't something I was accustomed to dealing with. I was never without a witty one liner until she stood before me that night at the bonfire. She had bested me and there was no chance in salvaging my attempts to hear her voice.

I couldn't be certain what it was about me that pushed her away; but I knew that I had been rejected. There was a first time for everything I suppose, but why now and why her? I couldn't stop thinking about her, I would dream of her pressing her soft lips upon mine. Sometimes she would be leaning in and whispering to me. I could never remember what she said, but the warmth of her breath upon my ear was enough to drive me wild.

I see the wild fire in her eyes; that same desire for living life to the fullest that I reflected in my own gaze. We were meant for each other…what fun could Caleb offer her? Surely she would grow tired of his prudish ways and crave a walk on the wild side. That's the only thing that kept me holding on to the thought of being with her. But I knew that hope was slipping further and further away.

They were inseparable now; finishing each other's sentences and Tyler had informed me that Caleb had begun eyeing diamond engagement rings at the mall. If he was to ask her now…I think she would without question say yes. She would say no to me…but say yes to Caleb Danvers.

I scrambled to my feet as I felt my breathing begin to become sharp and shallow. My heart was racing as I clenched my fists to the point the white of my knuckles were revealed. The cold water still trickling from the shower head was still falling upon me but it did little to bring the temperature of my boiling rage down. I felt as if I were on fire; to think of Sarah running up to me, shoving the diamond ring in my face with excitement would ruin me.

I then raised my fist and drove it hard into the wall; shattering both the porcelain tile and my knuckles instantly. Blood began to mix with the droplets of water trailing down the shower stall. My hand was throbbing as blood began to free fall from my busted knuckles. This is how I show my love I suppose; when there's nothing else I can do to show how my heart aches to be with her, I guess allowing my blood to flow is the only way to show that I do feel…and I feel for her.

Why did everyone cast me as the heartless one who has everything in the world except for the capacity to feel? I do feel. I feel so many fucking things I wish I could be the person everyone thinks I am. I would gladly take feeling nothing at all than feeling this utter weakness and pain. I was at the mercy of this girl and it was as if she didn't even know. My suffering has been in silence and the very pieces of my broken heart were being kicked about by the happy, couple of the year.

I felt tears welling up within my eyes; the realization sent my anger to levels unknown. I was fucking crying now over her? What the hell was happening to me? Why did I feel like my very insides were rotting?

I rubbed my eyes, hoping that all indications of my tears would be whipped from existence. I was beginning to wish that my very life could be whipped from existence. Working so hard to be the best or being the one who gets the girl but knowing in your heart that it would never happen was exhausting and so painful to endure. My every waking moment was a reminder that I was always going to fall in second place next to Caleb Danvers. I wish, just for a moment I could walk in his shoes. To live this perfect life, surrounded by people that genuinely cared about me and to have Sarah in my arms telling me how happy she was to be mine.

I watched as my blood continued to fall beneath my feet and swirl about the drain before finally falling through the holes. Maybe I should call for help. I could go to my locker and find my cell phone to dial Tyler to come and rescue me from the depths of my anguish. But why should I be so selfish and bring someone else into the darkness that was know taking over me?

Maybe I should kill myself. I mean the thought had crossed my mind once or twice in the weeks that have passed. I couldn't keep doing this, seeing her smiling in the arms of another man was the worst pain I've ever felt. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy, not even Caleb. It was sheer torture and I wasn't sure if I could endure it much longer.

It would be easy; to just end it all. A bottle of pills and a bottle of my favorite whiskey would be enough to make me fall asleep and never wake up. I would be left in the dreams of Sarah that I've clung to for so long now. I would be at peace and maybe then…she would know.

But as strong and powerful as I claimed to be; I knew when it would come right down to it; I couldn't take my own life. I blame it on my own sick pride; I was just too proud to give up without a fight.

Suddenly it hit me as I finally turned the knob of the shower and allowed the final droplets of water escape. I would put up a fight. I would put up one hell of a fight that there would be no doubt in her mind how strongly I felt for her. She would have to see me for who I truly was and she would finally see that I was the only one who was willing to risk it all just for her to know who it was me who loved her without a doubt.

I curled my lips into a smirk as I grabbed a nearby towel and hastily whipped the water droplets from my body. I walked towards my locker and only had the patience to pull on a pair of jeans and slide my feet into my shoes before pushing through the doors of the locker room and began making my way towards Sarah's dorm room.

My steps only quickened the closer I got to her room; I knew Caleb would be there and I was certain Kate would be there as well but I didn't care. I was dead set on my plan; I would confess my love for her…that's my one and only last resort. I had wallowed in this sadness and defeat for far too long. I had to stand up for what I believed in; I believed in Sarah, and I believed that I was the one she was meant to be with.

I could understand her; I would be able to show her all the fun there is to be had in this crazy, teenage world. I could love her in so many ways and on so many levels; It would take her breath away. It will be my name coming out of her lips tonight and after tonight it will be my face that she will dream about.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the wooden door that was the only barrier standing between me and the girl I loved.

To hell with knocking; I opened the door and stood in front of three confused expressions. Kate was looking up from her biology textbook as Caleb and Sarah looked up at me from the bed they were sharing while watching the television across the room. This was it.

"What the hell are you doing Reid?" Caleb asked while finding his way to his feet and wondering what actions he should take. Typical Caleb; always preparing for a confrontation with me, as if everything was about you. Today…I was here for Sarah.

She was still laying in bed, her long blonde hair trailing down her shoulders. Her perfect lips were opened slightly from the shock of my sudden and unexpected entrance. Her beautiful eyes were fixed on me. I felt that same nervousness creeping in until I returned my gaze upon Caleb who was quickly becoming aggravated in the fact that my eyes had lingered upon Sarah who was wearing a less than modest pajama set. Was the golden boy a little jealous? Oh he was certainly about to feel it more than a little.

"I have something to say." I said while folding my arms tightly across my chest that I intentionally left exposed; I felt Sarah's eyes trailing down my toned body, precisely why I left my shirt in the locker. Despite my nervously shaking hands; I was finding my confidence as my lips remained curled into a smirk that I was told would sway any situation to my behalf.

"I would hope you had something to say after barging in like this Reid!" Kate responded; I barely gave her a second glance. Despite her perfect olive complexion, I was more determined than ever to win the heart of the blonde beauty who I was glad to see still taking an extended stare at me.

"Well?" Caleb questioned. He really shouldn't be so anxious to give me the opportunity to profess my love to his girlfriend; but since he asked…

"Sarah…you are the most beautiful creature my eyes have ever seen. I am entranced by your beauty and I could spend forever looking into those eyes of yours. Let me show you a good time, let me show you the world; let me give you everything that you've ever wanted. I can and will give you everything and more that Caleb would never be able to give you. I want to see you smile every moment of every day. I love you; I've never loved anyone more than I love you and I just couldn't let another second go by until you knew." And it was done; I took in a deep breath as I realized that I actually did it. I had just poured my heart out and even though the knot in the pit of my stomach remained; the pain of withholding such a secret was quickly fading from existence.

I looked around the room; every jaw had dropped. Silence was the only response that I was receiving; until I turned and rested my eyes on Sarah once more. Her cheeks were blushing from my words; an appropriate reaction. It was not every day that I allowed such romantic notions escape my lips. I'm sure the shock of hearing me saying anything of the sort had stuck each person in the room.

But I watched Sarah intently; partially to avoid Caleb's angry glare but mostly to see if there was any hint of a mutual feeling. Give me a sign angel, just give me a sign that you feel the same way, even if just a little. Give me a sign that this wasn't all a complete wasted effort.

That's when I saw it; I watched her lips form a smile that was the only answer I needed to give me hope. The wink she sent my way was just an added bonus. I felt my heart soar as I continued to look upon the girl that might yet be mine one day. The smile upon her face was not for Caleb…that smile was meant for me and me alone. The very thought was enough to make me weak in the knees; she was my angel and I was prepared to continue this fight long after today.

"You son of a bitch!" Caleb roared; I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw Sarah look away and giggle. This just kept getting better. I then turned to see Caleb walking towards me with heavy and enraged steps. I laughed as I watched Caleb's attempt to be intimidating as he continued walking towards me.

"Sorry dude; couldn't help myself." I breathed until I felt a fist crash into my cheek. Not even the pain from a sucker punch could take away from the happiness and joy I was experiencing. I quickly regained my composure and gave one final glance towards Sarah.

"Call me." I said to her before dodging the second blow from Caleb. I then took off running down the hall and down the many flights of steps until I realized I wasn't being followed by Sarah's soon to be ex-boyfriend Caleb.

That was how I showed my love; and I had a feeling that it just might pay off in the end.


End file.
